And so, upon the tides of time we are turned – yet again – to that retelling of past events that is so necessary and pertinent and yet so apathetic and phlegmatic a rotund expulsion of regurgitated fact as to be an almost prefect ramification of the ancient name Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit.
Within and without that fact though, even if it weren’t in or out or between or whatever fourth possibility may exist in – perhaps of all places – the fourth – or possibly fifth – dimension which is – perhaps – not in our universe or any other, but may – perhaps – exist in some other, in-between sort-of place. That is to say – bother-dash I think a sentence may have been left hanging back there. Here, let me try, again.
And so, upon the tides of time we are turned – yet again – to that retelling of past events that is so necessary and pertinent and yet so apathetic and phlegmatic a rotund expulsion of regurgitated fact as to be an almost perfect ramification of the ancient name Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit.
Within and without that fact though, even if it weren’t in or out or between or whatever fourth possibility may exist, there is still a hope – fleeting perhaps – of the innovative and the prodigiously inane.
And it is upon this that we must turn our retelling and not upon lies or slander or the hopeless Lego ambulations of a certain Dwarf.
The beginnings of our tale should be told not brutally or slyly but with gentle care and noble poise. And so I ask you to take upon yourself this poise, and let me guide your mind’s eye, not upon the dark or the foul, but the light and the airy.
Let me recapture the scene. Clouds rolling by the land on a gentle breeze. Light shining on clean things. The mysterious and anonymous words “We are looking for a Ritual Caster”. Mayhaps your eye lands upon a genie walking the street, mayhaps a gentle hog-tied hobgoblin held over the shoulder of a Satyr illusioned into man’s form.
There now, with scene in mind and mind’s eye cast, put it to yourself to understand that that man with hobgoblin over shoulder is non other than the brave and ever-steady Bravo of ancient family, who, it is said by some, in this imaginary land our mind’s eye sees now, was set upon a glorious quest to escort the majestic prophet Random D’Pomme into a certain church which can be found upon the map which was given to a mean lady by Elron in days past and in days past later to Bravo by Maze, the Mad God who shall arrive in our phlegmatic little narrative again – at a later time.
And upon this understanding being reached, throw your mind now into action, for events are to unfold now!
For as Bravo-in-our-mind’s eye steps down the road he reaches the Train, into which he contains himself. And now our mind’s eye sees Random and that wily man whose name is Wily engaged upon conversations ever-bold. And then they were off! Acquiring themselves a new position, this time upon the Mortal Realm rather than the Elemental Chaos. Still in the sky, they bespy themselves the city of Random’s desire.
But, alas! Upon the sky they decry the vehicle of their new desire, a flying craft of air and other physical-
Ahem, aho, aheee.
Skipping ahead now, we set ourselves a new scene! A city upon the ground, with men walking about! Now Jaylin Dororistimo meets a handsome old man who enjoys her pie.
Now he gives willful wily Wily a way into the – well, let me step back in time a bit here.
A new scene is set!
Within an apartment building in the city of Wroat a man was found who admittedly had betrayed Hallad the man who would have been King except for the Dravidian Empire!
This kindly old betrayer-man gave Wily a black book which allowed him to find other members of the resistance.
- the modern revolutionary warrior movement. So Wily went and joined them.
And a plan of action, a path of courage and bravery, was laid out in his mind. So he went, by portal, into the very heart of the Dravidian Empire!
Meanwhile Random took Bravo and Jaylin through a portal and into the great church where he was destined to be.
And then he espied a DEMONIC STATUE OF ORANGES! So, taking up his blade. Imagine it now, gentle reader, use your eyeball that is within your mind, take the image into yourself and subject every corner of your indecent facile little minds to its majesty.
THROW YOURSELF INTO IT WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE!
Random, standing there, majestic and proud, his sword shining in the morning light. Ahem. Yeah, stuff. Anyway.
BEINGS FROM ANOTHER WORLD ENTERED IN THROUGH THE PORTALISH HOLE THAT HAD BEEN OPENED BY THE DESTRUCTION OF THE SACRILEGIOUS STATUE.
Now the world shook and violence was gotten to!
Random ran to the place he once called home, the goblin camp where he was once enslaved (or some place that looked like it) where so he acquired worshipers, before running further from the oncoming storm of badness. The Fey Courts then were acquired as the new locality as he searched for rescue from the oncoming storm !
And he thought of a plan.
Jaylin and Bravo leaped through a portal and into the heart of the Dravidian empire, to find out how the last invasion of this sort was beaten off. They were immediately acquired with shackles by a Dravidian prison which also had Wily and Thoradin within its manifest!
Then some man who might be the ruler of the Dravidian Empire and as such might be named Dravid, went and set up our beshackled imaginary friends a tournament of DOOOMMM…
Where they achieved victory against a group of aberrant foes, clearly proving that they are ready and willing to betray the aberrant evil that stalks the land and destroy it, even if that destruction means working with the Dravidian Empire!
UNLESS IT WAS ALL A HUGE SUBTERFUGIOUS LIE.
Around which time Bravo made a deal with the man who might be a king and might also be named Dravid to ban the killing of Chickens. Though it seemed as though Dravid could not be readily relied upon upon this point.
SO Wily acquired backness to the place where the rebellious people were – but not he handsome man of Jaylin’s desire – and then he gifted upon them the knowledge of things that had passed and plans for the future.
Then into the mind of Bravo were set certain facts that did not much suit his mind by a man named Zubaba.
Zubaba claimed that Maze the mad god (whom I told you we would get back to) ’s mind is infested with aberrant things, and that Maze has as a consequence become evil. Bravo explained that this was patently false, as any fool could see. But evidently Zubaba was not a fool, so he could not see. The blindness of intelligence clouded his eyes.
Zubaba also set up us a plan of action:
Using the Codex of Infinite Planes to seal the locus of the Far Realm.
To do which he set upon our minds the location of an ancient resting place of the Codex. Then he impinged upon our minds again to say that we should find a way to survive with that Far off Realm called the Far Realm because it is far.
And now, without need of haste, or waste, or maces, the end is now needed to be set upon, and so I say to you:
Ksolok Bodik Mai!
Laran kontenti tebes atu hasoru malu ho ita.
Ita hatene koalia lian Tetum?
Lian ida deit la to’o.